Monday, August 24, 2009

Design Star Recap, week 6: Kid Clients

You may have noticed I missed last week, there just didn't seem to be time to get in any recapping... so lets do a quick overview? We divide in to two teams: Nathan, Lonni, and Jason (affectionately referred to as "Lonni's nightmare team") and Antonio, Torie, and Dan ("Team Which way will Antonio turn for love?")

Design and decorate the living room / dining room area for two military families.

We notice sexual tension between Antonio, Torie, and Dan - in no particular order. I'll only be surprised if Dan and Torie end up together - other than that all bets are off with that little love triangle. They clearly have the winning room, and we get to see Torie's bitch face for the first time. Nobody gives bitch face like a pissed off Southern Belle.

Nathan is out - a week premature. Should have been Will Farrell Jason. I know Nathan spent 21 hours making that HIDEOUS storage unit from 1972, but at least he rocked the individual white room challenge. Jason hasn't rocked anything yet. At all. He's a flaming ball of tchotchke love. Which might be fine in real life, but "doesn't translate well to TV," as the judges like to say. And isn't that why we're here?

Does that about catch us up

We're down to 5 designers - which seems awfully sudden doesn't it?

We open with a shot of Dan waking up. After breakfast Clive (Pearse, still not Owens, damn it) calls for Paintcans in the workroom! Torie is sporting heavy duty make up today, wow. Girl must not want to lose her man.

Confession cam of Antonio... Good Lord, how did I not ever notice his incisors before? They're even more pointy and sharp looking than mine. If he and I ever had children they would look like vampires. What? Random tangent? Where? Oh, right, Antonio likes the thought of doing a kids room.

Lonni and Jason are both excited about having a carpenter. Methinks for different reasons

Dan looks handsome today, except for that hat. So, about Dan... can we talk? You know that nagging feeling that you have where you feel like you've seen him before? Design Star isn't Dan's first foray in to entertainment. Dan is MUCH much older than we first thought, which I figured out when I discovered that Dan has been in the entertainment industry since he was a child! I suspect pictures of him in two of his more famous roles might help clear up the mystery for you:

Glad I could help.

In the van on the way to the houses they discuss decorating kids rooms. They all want someone young. Well, sure they do. Young kids are impressed with a cardboard box in the middle of the room. "FORT!" "Dollhouse!" They don't care if it's rope on the walls or sandpaper flooring (although Vern might give them creativity points for that)... it's all about the cardboard box. You get someone over the age of 8 and things get a little trickier.

Lonni gets a 17 year old sports fan Nicco - not what she wanted. His interests include baseball, hanging out with friends, and being 17.
Antonio gets 5 year old Connor. Antonio is trying to talk to Connor like he's a person. Honey, 5 year olds aren't people yet. They have mom's to answer their questions... all you need is a cardboard box and you win.
Dan gets 11 yo Helena. Eco Friendly, earth colors. She's the recycler in the family.
Jason screams like a girl on prom night when he gets Paulina ,17, who wants a princess room. Talk about typecasting.
Torie's client is Carina, who is 8. Carina is artistic and wants an artists loft.

This is where I must come to a SCREECHING halt. Do any of you have daughters? Quick - what is missing in the girls' rooms? Nothing? Well, I have two daughters and we practically need a guest bedroom for all of the stuffed animals around here - there are three girls are on this show and I didn't see any. The authenticity of Design Star has been compromised. These aren't their real bedrooms at all! These are the works of the Haverhill Stagers that always advertise on this show. "Make it look like a little girls room, make it look lived in." I'm giving Design Star an eye roll here - I'm on to you!

OK, back on track...

Dan meets Paco the carpenter. Dan is excited to finally be the one going shopping.

Antonio and Michael the carpenter are going to make a dinosaur cave.

Jason meets Eric the carpenter. Princess Puff Jason needs 'big help'. No kidding. Now, whereas the other designers have noted their carpentry notes down on paper, Jason feels the need to tape off the design on the wall. WTF? Good thing he's not designing eco-princess's room, right? All that wasted tape! Seriously, what is he doing, trying to figure out scale? Dude, you don't have time to waste taking that damn tape back down... plus is the carpenter supposed to build to fit inside the lines? Can't you hear Jason in his pink tux shirt? "Build something that fits in this blue space."

Nicco's room is a disaster area. Chair rails are still nailed up in places... the walls are all scuffed up.... is that a hole by the closet? If your kid was going to be on Design Star as a client wouldn't you at least have him hang up his clothes? Run the vacuum? Oh, right - not if you were STAGING it to look like a lived in teen bedroom!

Torie is going for the fabric wall. That could be pretty. I think she's going to rock this challenge. Torie loves that she is designing a room for a little girl. Torie has a Steal Magnolias feeling about her, right?

Antonio gets the mom vote, under bed storage! I've decided he's not really "shame f%$k" material (although Lonni and Dan obviously don't share my clear vision)... but you gotta love that he thought about where to put the toys.

Jason gets back to the room and the carpenter has been doing what? Nothing? What is wrong with him. He's fired.

OK, Lonni? Can we talk? LOOK at that room - I suspect that back half might be an addition. You can see a wall seam right about where the floor changes in one shot. Stop moaning and go get some flooring. Like it's hard.

Antonio is doing the most construction wise, he's making a little cave.

Jason hires a new carpenter... perhaps this one isn't an obvious homophobe. (Tell me you didn't notice that about Eric? He HATED Jason!)

Day Two, and here's David Bromsted!! Torie would totally be his hag if he'd have her.

He talks to the designers. Wow! Dan is so much taller than him, I didn't realize Noddy was that tall. 'I'm challenging you Dan!" (wink wink)

Day two is looking pretty rough for the designers... don't they look tired?

Jason's chandelier is darling.

Dan is thrift shopping. (Ewww.)

Jason is not finding a rug. Why does it have to be a pattern, can't it be black. IS HE CRYING?

Dan is re-purposing a gumball machine. Does that make is sound important? To REPURPOSE it? How about "re-objectify", "re-function", or "re-create"? I sort of hate the word re-purpose.

Lonni is freaking out about the paint. She should, it looks like hell.

WTF is all over Jason's window? He was talking to carpentry boy v.2.0 about doing cutouts around the wall - which would have been cute - and now it looks like Tashica snuck in there and had her way with the craft paint.

I like what Torie is doing with the girl's name. Her cut out is cute, and the lights are great.

I like the gigantic dino stickers Antonio is using, but will the judges think he's taking the easy way out?

Day Three! We see them grabbing breakfast to eat in the van. I wonder if Torie had time to reapply the makeup this morning? (Can you even look at Dan now and not see Noddy??)

OK, Jason's "headboard" is ghetto. Do we envision that Princess Diana would have thumbtack and place mats above her bed? No, Jason, we don't. You can't
just hang up a chandelier and call it Royal.

Torie just screwed up - that fabric is hideous. ONE fabric, maybe two, pleated would have been SO elegant and creative. All those pieces stapled up? No.

Watching everyone throwing things out the door as they say "times up" is hilarious! Seriously chucking stuff out the doors!

Ahhh, the judging!
Who's room is on the chopping block first?

Antonio: Dodi said Cute cute cute bed. It's good. Good little boy bedroom.
Candace said he is the Tony Soprano of design. (Is that a compliment?)
Genevieve points out what was missing in his presenting. (Intelligence?)
Vern likes the storage ideas under the bed.
Genevieve thinks the room was successful.

Dodi said: I like it mostly, the fabric blows.
Genevieve called her presentation style "roboto". (I'm guessing, that's not positive?)
Candace likes the "risk" she took with the bed. How is an ordinary loft bed a risk? I want to look at Candace and say, "You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means."
Genevieve is being a little bit of a bitch tonight with her creative criticism. "I'm so tired of the client saying a color and the designer putting it on the wall." THIS was the time for Torie to step up and bitch slap back with, "The client said she liked green, blue, and red. CLEARLY I've used HELIOTROPE in place of normal green - so back off you uninspiring wretch."
Vern is mentoring her on pulling back with the colors. (and maybe the attitude! In my imaginary scenario Torie did seem a little out of control.)

Dodi said: Wait, I thought the room was going to be hot pink. What's shocking about leaving it the same color?
(During the televising of the finished design, Genevieve flashed a bitch face... ha ha.)
Candace calls him a cream puff, and then tried to make it sound like it was a compliment.
Vern hates the room. Vern said it was for the Princess from the Kingdom of No Imagination! HaHa!

Dodi says the home plate wall is cool, tool chest is cool. It's nice, but the painting and trim work is awful! (Lonni's finish work often has all the charm of an unfinished basement.) However, Lonni is a good presenter.
Vern said he liked it, but don't get used to being the feature wall girl.
Genevieve liked it.
Candace thought Lonni was a good presenter.

I like this room, it bright and fun. The window seat, desk, dresser combo worked for me. So cute. Client loves it!
Vern points out the giggling. (Dan giggles like a school girl when he's nervous.)
Candace loves the gumball machine light.
Vern hates the headboard. Said it reminded him of day-after-garage-sale refuse.
Genevieve thinks it's too bright. Maybe that looks different when it isn't on my beautiful HDTV? Because I think it's not too bright. The girl has vision problems, after all.

And it's time to deliberate!I wish we knew whose rooms they were talking about?

Antonio and Lonni, good job.

Dan, Torie, Jason please step forward.
Dan, we only saw fragments of your ideas and your nervous giggling makes you sound like an unskilled Geisha.
Torie, the judges think you are unimaginative and have cadaverous presenting skills.
Jason, blah blah big idea blah blah horrible room, but good hosting skills. Too bad you suck otherwise you big, gay windbag.

Jason, your show has been cancelled.

So, I guess we'll never know what Will Farrell's face would look like if he won Design Star.Or maybe Will will make it back to guest host on Saturday Night live and we'll all find out!?

Monday, August 10, 2009

Design Star Recap, week 4: Think Inside the Box

Episode 4. Lets get started...

Hello cast! Must be nice to wake up in such a beautiful house every day! Everyone is wondering, "what is the challenge going to be?" Jany wants to know if it's another kitchen. God help us if it is, Jany, that would get boring quickly. (Maybe Jany wants to complete her backsplash and be vindicated?)

Time for Clive Pearse, and here he is. "People in these economic times are not moving - they are improving." (Yes, got some of that going on myself lately.) You are to divide in to two teams of four. (I must note at this point that my oldest daughter prefers the paint can assignments instead of this way of dividing into teams.) I love how they all run for one team. Tashica is the new Torie, nobody wants her on their team. Everyone wants to be on Antonio's team. He looks cuter this week. Lonni makes the sacrifice to head on over to Team Doesn't Really Stand A Chance, and the teams are now even.

Each team will be assigned a garage. No one looks at all excited. The news that they get 10K seems to help their enthusiasm.

This week is a double elimination - and we see on confession cam that Tashica doesn't think she's going home this week. Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha!! That's a good one!

Dan, Nathan, Lonni, and Tashica are assigned the Lang's Garage. Let's call them Team Disaster Waiting to Happen... or Team Disaster for short. They want a rec room, entertainment area. The house has a Spanish style, so incorporate that. They point out that the garage door doesn't close all the way, nor does it lock. I'm guessing where we start is a new garage door - the client is always right, yes?

Jason, Torie, Antonio, and Jany are assigned the Caswell's Garage. Let's call them Team Beach. They want a grown up, quiet space. Bright, think "beach." Not "mexico beach", "Hamptons beach". (Honey, the last time I saw a movie with a Hampton's beach house in it I was looking at Grey Gardens... and your garage is pretty much there already!) So, to reiterate: "No" to Mexico and small children selling Chiclets and bracelets outside on the driveway, "Yes" to the Hamptons well-monied look with heiresses drunk driving down the street. Got it.

(Looking at both of these garages, one might get the idea that we need to bring in Peter Walsh from TLC for a little de-cluttering.)

It seems that Antonio is taking charge, so I'm sure Torie will be taking him aside later to "consult" a bit. He's much sexier when he's in charge. I have my doubts about the plywood flooring idea. Plywood just doesn't scream "chic" to me. Someone wonders if they should use green, and Jason makes a face and mentions she'll probably like it because she likes Colonial. He actually physically winces when he says, "Colonial." Do gays not approve of colonial? Is it Louis XVI or nothing for them?

Tashica is going on about how she's part of the team. OK, lets get real. They tolerate her presence... she's like that cousin you are forced to play with and include in your games at the family reunion. It's not a love connection.

Dan speaks of incorporating a bar. In a garage with no locking doors? The neighborhood teenagers are certainly excited about this development!

OK, NOW Tashica is whining that no one is listening to her. She says "sectional", no one responds. Dan says "sectional" and everyone loves the idea. Again, I must point out that there are certainly students at the Haverhill School of Home Staging that are more qualified than Tashica to be on this program - and everyone BUT her seems to be aware of this fact. She could shout, "Naked Neon Buddha Statues!" and Lonni would simply look past her and blink. Nathan needs to turn around and say, "Hey, have you forgotten that your entire team on the kitchen challenge voted you the weakest link? And that some of us are sleeping under shredded comforters every night might have slipped your mind... but I'm tired of pulling lint out of my hair in the morning. Shut. The. Hell. Up."

Team Beach is wondering how to create a beach theme without any windows. Good point. They're going to buy a garage door!

Team Disaster? Has also decided to buy a new door. Everyone will be so happy!

Lonni and Dan are going shopping.
Antonio is going shopping.
Lonni and Dan forgot the cash. Whoops.

Newsflash! Team Disaster has a new development - Now they're going to nix the new garage door! BAD BAD BAD. Their door doesn't close all the way, and doesn't lock - and this isn't a problem? No. Because people don't steal high end electronics or liquor. Ever.

Lots of construction going on, the teams seem to be working well together. Team Disaster is a little behind. As in their floor isn't done at all, but I'm sure it will be OK. After all, Tashica is known for being on the team that rallies at the end, right?

Day two, and that is a rough lookin crew.

Ahhh, Team Beach got their new garage door. GOOD JOB. Too bad the other team didn't take the same initiative.

Jany and Torie are going shopping. They have differing opinions. (to say the least!) Torie blurts out "I love SEARS!" That's one way to get extra time on camera this season. They haul through the shopping and set a world time record getting back to the team to help out.

Dan is teaching Tashica how to screw two boards together. Yea, you'd hate to tell her about pre-drilling something like that, right? No point in getting that very long ass screw going in the right direction before watching her send it out the side. I smell another unfinished room!

While Dan and Tashica build the Taj Mahal out of two by four kiln dried lumber, Nathan and Lonni are going shopping. Nathan and Lonnie are knocking the shopping out so fast!! Good for them. Except now they seem to be stuck in traffic. Dan has basically been working alone all day.

End of day two. The Hamptons room is coming together nicely. I don't understand the floor - but I'm sure it'll all make sense. I mean, who wouldn't put a white floor in a garage? It just makes good sense.

Frantic painting finish for Team Disaster. They are going to have to bust a hump tomorrow. They only have TWO HOURS to finish that mess? Holy cow. Because that is what homeowners want - one coat of paint, bad corners, and a ghetto garage door left in place. That'll make them smile!

Lonnie is resigned.
Antonio is confidant.

Morning hits, and we're at day three.
Two hours left to knock out the finish details, or (in the case of Team Disaster) the entire challenge except for the shopping. (And? When did SEARS become the international house of tchotchkes? You can accessorize a room with everything SEARS? Really?)

Team Beach is already loading in the room. The idea of wrapping the elliptical machine is great... why can't I ever think of stuff like that? Like before company comes... instead of vacuuming at the very last minute because I'm out of cleaning time? I could just wrap the vacuum cleaner up with a bow and the guests would know that my gift to them was the IDEA of vacuuming the floor. Brilliant! (I think I'll pull that one out at Thanksgiving for sure.) The judges are going to scorn this little side step, mark my words.

Team Disaster is nothing short of chaos. I love it! It makes my heart pound like I'm part of it. I'm nervous, and I can't wait to throw Tashica under the bus in front of the judges! Wait until you hear my speech! I'm thinking of hiring a children's choir to highlight the intensely shameful parts...Oh, wait... I'm not actually on this show? Crap.

With a half an hour left the rooms seem to be coming together... and I think they both finished.

Clive Pearse will now be showing the families around their new digs. He'll see the contestants at elimination. (He should mention that he'd like to see them showered and cleaned up, because with his British accent that would be hilarious!)

And suddenly here we are: ELIMINATION

Team Caswell: the Hamptoms Beach room

The homeowners love the new garage door! (which you can't see in the picture, but it has windows and is very nice.) They seem pleased with the room, and I think they really do love it - but they're in shock. They're pretty reserved people you can tell from their reaction.

Vern likes the homeowners reaction. Asks, "Who is responsible for the design?" They all had a part. Teamwork. Good stuff.
Candace thinks this room is unbelievably predictable and unoriginal. (Which, coincidentally, is what I'm beginning to think every time Candace opens her mouth.)
Vern notes that the Hamptons are more lush than this. AND Jany just threw Torie under the bus about her lack of style! ha ha! (Jany is obviously still bitter about the backsplash.) Did you see the bitch face Torie threw at Jany when she dogged her? Ha Ha!
Genvieve likes the floor solution.
Vern wants to know what Jason did. He did the color scheme and the wainscoting idea. I guess the judges think it's at a weird height, but why does it matter where the wainscoting ended... it looks good. Vern wanted it white... but lets face it, Candace would have called out WHITE wainscoting as "predictable". Lose/Lose situation there.
Vern was a bit peeved at the boxed elliptical machine. (See?)

Team Lang: Spanish Fly Entertainment Space.

Wow, they like it. Is it me, or is someone is going to kill themselves on the platform / garage door accident waiting to happen? Homeowners liked the interior, but were massively disappointed with the garage door. Gosh, did anyone see that coming??

Vern: Who is responsible for the garage door. Tashica hesitates not one second before she starts throwing people under the bus. Lonni stands up and says it was a group decision.
Dan pipes in with, "I did a lot of construction."
OK, I want to reach out and slap Tashica. She's nodding her head in sad agreement with Vern every time he says something negative - like she tried to change anything at all in this space. Please, bitch. Go home.
Candace doesn't like the mural, although I don't think it looks that bad.
Loni and Nathan shopped for furniture and styling...and Genevieve likes it
Tashica talks about how she physically labored, primed, and painted but was basically a worker... not an idea girl. Dan is doing a good job of saying Tashica really has no original ideas, but wants to think she does. I'd be mad if I were Dan, Lonni, and Nathan. Really mad. I love that Candace is lecturing her. Vern puts her on the spot... "just tell us what you did..."

Vern is up to something... side whisper to Candace, then Gen, then Clive.... He is kicking her out without deliberation!!! WOW. That is the slap I was looking for. Good for you Vern. So much more effective than "shut up."

Deliberation is going on... Vern doesn't like Nathan, Jany is pissing off Torrie, someone thinks Antonio is going home... what a mess this all is. I would think Tashica leaving would have brightened the mood more than this. Plus? I'm confused, because the judges don't seem to like either room. THEY ARE GARAGES, for goodness sake. Go with it.

Antonio and Dan: you guys always tend to be the anchors... Good job. Go wait in the green room.

Lonni, Jason, and Torie... all 3 of you have one thing in common, none of you take the lead. (ouch) Please go join the others in the green room.

Jany and Nathan, you are the weakest.
Jany your design style is textbook, you're not a star.
Nathan you always seem to have big ideas but lack confidence.

Jany, your show has been cancelled. (Lonnie will be so happy!!)

And.... finally... Ciao Tashica!

(Pictures can be found at, and are the property of HGTV Design Star.)

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Design Star Recap, week 3: Are you ready for your close up?

I’m not so sure what that title had to do with out first White Wall Challenge… but I don’t get paid to think about that.

This week we have our first individual challenge, and I might add it’s about time. The designtestants get $1000 to shop at a grocery store in order to find enough stuff to decorate a 10x10 room. They are each provided with one (identical) sofa, coffee table, side table, ottoman, five-shelf bookcase, and a table lamp. All white. Walls are white. Floors are white. Why don’t they start them with black? I think that would be more challenging… but again, I don’t get paid to think about that.

The designers seem excited, and we get to hear some of their ideas. Jen wants to use recycled products; cardboard, burlap, plastic wrappers. Nathan is already thinking about making a chandelier out of oranges (to hang from the non-existent ceiling). Tashica wants to mount the coffee table on the wall, and she’s talking about doing a “3D transfusion from the wall down in to the furniture.” Not a transition or a transformation… a TRANSFUSION. Like with blood - only with furniture. Torie intends to design a teen hang out room that is vibrant and trendy. Jason… well Jason is Jason.

Speaking of Jason, I have to share my thoughts. All I can think of when I look at Jason is that if Will Ferrell were to play a fictional gay male southern-ish design contestant? He would BE Jason. I can’t get this thought out of my head – it’s all I see when Jason talks to us on confession cam.

Sorry, I digress…

Suddenly we are at the Grocery Store (no SEARS product placement this week?), and the designtestants are lined up with their carts. Clive (Pearse not Owens) gives them the old ‘ready, set, go’… and they’re off! Jen heads to the Asian food aisle and starts waxing poetic about the noodle wrappers. Lonni looks lost, she’s looking for the plastic cups (which we’ve already seen in the previews pop off of her wall), Antonio is loading up on pool noodles, Jason is going for the matzo crackers. Jany is planning a lemon area rug, Torie seems like she knows what she is doing, and Dan is having visions of an orchard.

Once the shopping is done we’re back at the soundstage, and Dan is busy at the saw already. Nathan is dehydrating sliced oranges? Lonnie is crumpling up flower napkins, and Jen is gutting a stuffed bear. Lovely. Will Ferrell Jason is working on a weaving project of some kind.

On confession cam we see that Dan is going for a lux look, and wants his design to look like it cost a lot more than $1000. Antonio has his grid all laid out and ready to paint, Lonnie’s cups are popping off already, and Nathan accuses everyone who has a focal point comprised of painted graphics of copping out. Nathan has already mentioned letting milk run down his painted walls like a glaze… so I’m not sure he’s one to be trusted here. At this point Lonnie calls Tashica’s room unoriginal. OK – Lonnie’s room is either going to be gorgeous or hideous because the focus in really on her tonight. I have the same feeling about Dan. Jen’s colors are ugly, they look bad on even my beautiful HDTV… and nothing looks bad on my beautiful HDTV! Tashica, once again, is going to design a room that is a mess in the details. Her black lines are uneven.

On day two, the designers have 5 hours to finish up.

Dan has matched his lip color to his walls – a deep, dark red. Very nice. This color works well on him – whereas Nathan’s lip colors tend to look better when they are more neutral. Antonio’s walls are confusing to me. They remind me of that blue crashed room a couple of seasons ago. Will Ferrell Jason? I need to tell him that the yellow is very ugly, and my 9 year old’s pot holders are woven better than his wall hangings. He’s so proud of them – can he really not tell they suck? I don’t think he’s a very strong designer.

Jen is explaining to Clive (Pearse, not Owens) that her room is “Japanese Eco.” I think it’s not impressive, and unfocused. I’m not proud – I don’t get her artistic vision. (But then, I don’t get a lot of people’s “artistic vision.” As someone who majored in Visual Arts, I think “artistic vision” can be over rated.) Dan’s room is looking very interesting – I think the wood on the wall is very cool, although I can’t tell what it is yet. Nathan is dripping something down the walls that CANNOT be milk as it is waaaaayyyyy too thick.

Torrie – I just love Torrie! I love the swirls on the back wall. I wonder, as each week goes on and she gets better and better, if the team every wishes they hadn’t voted for her to join them? She’s very good. Jany’s room may work for me. I like the colors a lot, but she may get called out for too much paint, not enough groceries. I think if she had painted a lemon slice on her back wall the judges would have LOVED it.

By now you know how I feel about Tashica… but I think her pillows are a good idea. Actually, I think Tashica probably has some great ideas – it’s her execution that messes her up. The bedroom COULD have been good, the kitchen COULD have had nice accessories, the white wall challenge COULD turn out nice… but she’s got no attention to finish detail. Plus, is she ever going to get that table to hang correctly on the wall? Are she and Lonni using the same glue?

(When you see Clive standing in front of Antonio’s walls, doesn’t he look like a Superhero??? Oh, and the “Antonio thing” I was going on and on about last week? Was ruined by his showing up this week in camouflage man-capris. RUINED. There is not one hot thing about him this week.)

Jen walks over to Lonni (as Lonni pins some artichoke leaves to a lampshade) and notes; “You’ve got great texture in your space.” And, Dodi adds, FANTASTIC sound effects as those cups pop themselves off the wall over and over and over again. I’m sad, really, because I know now that Lonni’s room sucks and I like Lonni. I think Lonni is better than this and I hope they don’t send her home.

Do you see Torrie’s floor???!!!! AMAZING.
Do you see Jen’s disemboweled bears???!!! Not amazing.

Oh, Antonio is helping Lonni… and so is Torrie. I love that! They know Lonni is better than this room, and they’re going to help her out so she has a chance to stay. Good for them.

And it’s time for judging. They’re going to go through each room individually.

Nathan is first. Nathan calls his room style, “Organic structure with maximized contrast for a big concept.”

(...and with that explanation, Nathan just revealed himself as that guy who could bullshit his way through any high school essay exam.) Walls look cool and that chandelier is very cool. I like the couch, hate the table, and like the floor. The judges seem to like it. The orange slice chandelier is an absolute hit.

Jany calls her room style, “Very cool modern, yet happy beach house.” OK, I actually love the flower artwork… and the room really works for me. Candace thinks the design is too textbook, and Vern doesn’t like what she did with the graphic message on the wall. It didn’t make a statement.

Torrie, “Young, eclectic, electric hangout.” I love this room, I love the swirls, I love the colors, and I love the floor. Genevieve is amazed (her dress matches the pattern Torrie did on the floor) Vern likes the mural, and Candace thinks it is crazy good.

Lonni – you know what I like about Lonni? She’s going in to this elimination knowing her room sucks. She’s not trying to sugar coat it, isn’t delusional at all (some of the other rooms suck too, but their creators seem to not know it), she’s honest. She knows. She does explain her problem with the cups, and Candace says, “Things go wrong all the time on my show… and I always have a backup plan.” Which is easy to say when you have longer than 15 hours to complete a whole room and have assistants to run and get the stuff for Plan B should it be necessary. These contestants don’t have that option, and this was unfortunate. Genevieve asked her if she gave up, and Lonni gave props to Antonio and Torrie for helping her finish.

“The Garden of Eden” inspired Tashica. It’s not a horrible design, it’s just sloppy. Her colors are good, and Vern likes her sofa. Genevieve notes her raggy black lines (which remind all of us of her performance on Episode 1). When Vern mentions that she ripped off another designer with that table on the wall piece, I can’t really tell by her face if she knew before hand that she did it or not. She might have known it was a rip off all along and just hoped nobody noticed.

Will Ferrell Jason (is that getting old yet?) calls his room “simple, clean, bright, and cheerful.” I call it “really ugly yellow and mushy brown.” I have to look away, the yellow is burning my retinas. (Wouldn't you love to hear a judge blurt that out during elimination?) Vern likes the space plan, but hates everything else. Candace hates the colors, and Genevieve says, “I just think you’re more fun than this”, to which Jason responds, “I am.” Genevieve counters with, “This is the second beige room you’ve given me.”

Dan was “inspired by an orchard, tear it apart and reinterpret it.” It is lovely. The back wall with the apple design is beautiful, and the wood areas are completely unique. Vern declares it the best execution ever! Genevieve loves that it is finished, full, and looks expensive. Candace is charmed that it gives the appearance of being effortless.

Jen wanted her room to be “Green and recyclable, organic pop art with a Japanese twist.” Again, I don’t relate to her artistic vision. To me it looks random; although the composition is nice it doesn’t sweep you away at all. It’s all on the same visual level – with no focal point. The palette confuses Genevieve. Candace mentions that it isn’t cohesive, and (invokes for the second time this season) it's obtuse! Vern is disappointed with the color, Jen has not delivered.

Antonio talks about his design as a “Design Star Tribute.” It’s fun, but it’s cartoony. Besides the paint there isn’t really anything else worth mentioning in the room. Candace says the room is successful, but that Antonio didn’t embrace the challenge. Vern said that the paint was cool, but the sofa is nothing and it’s not enough.

The judges deliberate, and it’s not looking good for Lonni. But I can’t tell for sure, it’s all very cryptic.

Dan, Torrie, and Nathan are the stars this week.

Jany, Antonio, and Tashica are safe… not great designs, but not horrible.

Lonni, Jason, and Jen disappointed the judges.

Jen, your show has been cancelled.
Overall I think this was a weak episode. I’m confused that Tashica is still there, and am looking forward to next week’s episode. I think I prefer when they work together this season, which for me is different from previous seasons. See you after the garages!!

(all pictures can be found HERE, and are property of HGTV)